She Loves Me - She Loves Me Not……
Return To Newsletter Menu →
At one point or another, we are all in search of that great love and, when we think we have found it, we do not want to be told otherwise. The problem lies in the fact that it is extremely difficult to be objective when you are in the process of falling in love. This lack of objectivity may be a natural phenomenon, however it can also be responsible for otherwise rational and reasonable people doing irrational and unreasonable things.
In this article, we will explore the top 10 indicators to look for in a relationship that show that she is truly interested in you. All too often, we tend to justify away warning signs - make excuses for behavior that we know is not correct. We do that because we want the relationship to work, but ignoring those signs can be dangerous. You may have a few points of your own to add to this list; the following is only a partial guide:
1. Show of Affection - Among all of the cultures in which we operate, I know of no cultural taboo with respect to public displays of affection. That isn't to say it is perfectly acceptable to passionately kiss in the middle of a busy department store, but there should be no problem with public embraces, hand holding, and even "polite" kissing. Notice that while I said that there is no "cultural taboo," the willingness for, and degree of, public displays of affection will vary from woman to woman depending on their comfort level.
2. Communication - Communication is very important in any long-distance relationship. If you have already met her and are in the fiancée visa process (or close to it) the communication should be relatively often, whether it is by E-mail or phone calls or even snail mail. I have talked to men who have told me that they only communicate with their fiancées once a month or so because "she is so busy" or "too much communication upsets her because we can't be together". You should be communicating at least once or twice a week in some fashion, and the tone of the conversations should be light and cheerful. If you are struggling with something to say or if it feels forced or strained than there may very well be a problem.
3. Makes Herself Available - It should not be difficult or a chore to contact her, or possibly arrange a time when you can go back and visit her. If she tends to be very difficult to reach or is not enthusiastic about you coming back to see her and helping to arrange the trip there may be a problem.
4. Introduces You to Family and Friends - This is something that normally does not happen right away, nor should it, but is something that needs to happen at some point if the relationship is serious. Many of these women are very family oriented and socially inclined. If they are serious about you they will normally want to introduce you to their parents, other family members and friends. Oftentimes she will plan a large elaborate dinner where you will have a chance to meet the important people in her life. She will also want to show you where and how she lives. Since many of the women live in smaller apartments, something that we are not used to, they may be a bit hesitant at first but, if the relationship is progressing and she is serious about you, she will normally want to have you see where and how she lives.
5. Learn the Language - If the woman, especially a fiancée, needs help with English she will normally be anxious to take lessons. You may have to assist her with the cost of the lessons, but if she is serious about you and is contemplating moving to your country, she will normally be very open to English lessons.
6. Submitting the Paperwork - Once the two of you have decided to move forward with the fiancée visa process, the actual paperwork you need from her to initiate the process should be the least of your problems. The paperwork required from her is fairly straightforward and minimal, so if there is a long delay in her providing you with the necessary paperwork there may be a problem.
7. Random Acts of Romance - This should be one of the happiest times of your life and one of the most romantic as well. There should be (as I call them) "Random Acts of Romance" being exchanged between the two of you. It should not be a one-way street. This could be something as simple as her calling you right before you fall asleep to tell you that she loves you, or finding something that she made for you in the mail. The point is that there should be romantic gestures being made from both sides - things that may be very simple, but are special to just the two of you, especially if you are in the fiancée visa process.
8. Happy to Just See You - If the two of you are truly in love and moving forward, she should be happy to have any opportunity to see you. This means that if you have the time and can afford to go back over to see her during the process she should be very open to the idea. If she is constantly suggesting that you meet in exotic resort locations instead of just spending time together in her city, there may be a problem. There is nothing wrong with the two of you taking a vacation, but if it is a frequent request you may want to question her as to what is wrong with just spending time together in her city.
9. Asking for Money - We have gone over the money issue time and time again in previous newsletters, but it's worthy of mention here as well. I hope that the reason you are serious about the woman you have chosen is that you love her and not that you want to somehow "save" her. These women are quite happy and self-sufficient; they are not looking for anyone to come to their rescue. If she is asking you for large sums of money, for you to invest in real estate for her, or any other financial requests, you really have to step back and reevaluate the situation. This is where many men will try and justify the requests away. You have to try and evaluate what she is asking for as objectively as possible. There is a big difference between a few dollars for her to pay phone bills or internet expenses, and hundreds or even thousands of dollars for operations, flats, etc., etc. If the woman really loves you she will normally be very hesitant to request money from you.
10. Monogamous relationship - At some point in the relationship you both need to decide if it is going to be a monogamous relationship and if you are going to move forward with the fiancée visa. Once you have both decided that, she should be motivated to remove her profile listings from any dating services that she may have joined. She should also refrain from attending Socials or other events intended for the purposes of introductions.
Please keep in mind that the above points are only a rough guide. They are no way inclusive of the many different factors entailed in evaluating a relationship. You must use good judgment and common sense; everyone is different, and not everyone is going to fall into neat black and white categories.
Also, please understand that although this article is intended to make men more aware of what is going on in the relationship, we could have easily written the reverse for the women: warning signs that they should be aware of when it comes to the men with whom they are contemplating serious involvements. If you pay attention to these and other details, and treat the woman in whom you are interested in the same manner as you would like to be treated, you both should have a happy and healthy relationship.
A Foreign Affair
7320 N Dreamy Draw Drive
Phoenix, Arizona 85020
FAX (602) 468-1119
THIS PROGRAM IS THE SOLE PROPERTY OF A FOREIGN AFFAIR AND MAY NOT BE COPIED IN ANY WAY OR FORM WITHOUT EXPRESS PERMISSION FROM A FOREIGN AFFAIR.
© COPYRIGHT 1996-2019 - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.